Don’t believe they’ll be impressed
About this selfish action of the dearly depressed
you intend to take your life … and hope it will be fast
But your memory will soon fade, as do all things past
Don’t believe they’ll remember you
Now you are starting your ‘life’ anew
Once their group sorrow begins to fade
The party will be over … and it was you that paid
Don’t rely on hurting them for long
Your last card is played … so your hand is now GONE
You will bet your life
that they’ll be forever distraught
but survivors will rally and strive to mutually support
Don’t believe that you will find glory
They’ll brand you a coward, so for them … end of story
There are no prizes for first past the post
And no recognition for reneging on your ‘most’.
Don’t then regret that you can’t come back
To challenge the mourning of the emotionally slack
It’s no good dwelling on those belated home lies
Now that your actions are stifled to sighs
Don’t then wish that some soul could open
To empath the words that you left unspoken
For maybe none will hear your call
Eternal whispers at an impervious wall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suppose it were possible to rewind death’s tape
Back to the point where you made your ‘escape’
What could one say to thee of fixed mind
To bring new perspective to the wilfully blind?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try not to hang yourself today
Tomorrow morning draws life a new way
The deeds that you’ll do
and the words that you’ll say
Are directions and script that shape your new play
Try not to take an overdose this week
You will soon find the things you seek
In time ahead …. you will see change
Expand your horizons …there are plans to arrange
Try not to put a shotgun in your mouth this month
Least not before midnight of the thirty one-th
Before that day there’ll be some improvement…
so be sure to postpone this knee-jerk movement
Try not to slash your wrists this year
Stand up to, and defeat your fear
Adapt your mind into a suit of armour
Then bravely confront…. you will find karma
Be sure not to kill yourself this life
Time will cure all, your currently perceived strife
Life is serious … and life is fun
But remember ….. you’ve only got the one !
MAX ANGSTMANN 1996
I wrote this poem because I had personally experienced the deaths of two people I knew that had taken their own lives and I resolved then and there to write something that had the potential to save the lives of anyone else undergoing suicidal depression. Several years later a good friend confided in me that she was extremely depressed and was contemplating taking her own life. I gave her many comforting words and positive encouragement but realised these would only be a temporary fix and could well fade in the middle of the night when she was alone with her thoughts and doubts. I sent her a copy of the poem and told her to keep it close by and read it often, especially when she was really feeling down. She told me later, that simple solution had saved her life and it got me thinking that this could save a lot more lives.
Poetry is a great way to communicate ideas and feelings, but a significant number of people are not receptive to it. Those undergoing suicidal depression rarely talk about it and many of their closest friends often don’t even realise their ‘friend in need’ is drowning in the depths of depression. How can these friends help their ‘friend in need’ when they don’t even know there is a problem? Asking someone if they are suicidally depressed is not a question many people will ask for fear of nudging that person over the precipice they are verging upon. or at very least offending the very person they are trying to help . It is also a question that by its extremely personal nature and associated self confusion and doubt, may not be truthfully or accurately answered.
I hit on the idea of a making a touring play and have adapted my original 1996 poem into a short play of about 20 minutes running time. The play has just 3 characters, ‘Death’, ‘Life’ and an androgynous individual referred to as ‘The Soul’. The Soul represents an individual on the cusp of suicide. Death and Life try to do physical battle over ownership of The Soul but cannot harm each other as they are both immortal concepts. Instead they contrive a impromptu immortal courtroom hearing to decide upon ownership of The Soul and act as counsels for the Prosecution and Defence respectively. As the supernatural hearing gets under way, the audience get drawn in when they are addressed by the respective counsels as ‘members of the jury’. This helps to involve them to a greater degree and generate more empathy for the disturbed Soul. Short bursts of appropriate increasingly uplifting music highlight the bizarre actions and antics of the supernatural counsels, combine to boost the positive aura of the whole theatre space.
In conclusion, no judgement is passed in this makeshift court because there is no judge. Life technically defeats Death in his summing up by urging the soul to delay the day when they might take their own life, in small steps, from a day, to a week, to a month, to a year, to a lifetime (The whole drive of the original poem) Death concedes because she knows she will get that soul in the fullness of time….as she points out…. “Time is on my side”.
As the play progresses, The Soul becomes slowly and gradually uplifted. However, we never find out the fate of our stage soul because he/she is only the representative subject of the play. The real subject/targets of the play are members of the audience that might be undergoing, have undergone or might undergo, suicidal depression, As a result of their demonstrated empathy and positivity the remainder of the audience have unwittingly become actors in the greater enterprise of saving real lives.
For anyone who has become convinced that nobody cares about them and there is no way out of their current predicament, this play aims to demonstrate that a majority of complete audience strangers can and will have empathy for someone they’ve never met and that the road to staying alive is not insurmountable because suicidal depression can be tackled in small thinking steps. A person who is thinking is a person who is learning to cope and repair and most importantly remain alive in so doing. Finally audience members are reminded that each and every person is not just the product of what they have or haven’t achieved so far, but what they can go on to do and go on to become in the future. The play doesn’t seek to preach, judge or moralise, but through ‘Death’s’ summing up speech, seeks to empathise and vocalise the doubts of someone undergoing suicidal depression whereas ‘Life’s’ summing up speech tells us that all the time there is life, there are always possibilities and hope.
I wish to offer my poem free to all who can use it. To this end, I have contacted a few suicide prevention charities most of whom have voiced support and wished me luck but most have very limited budgets and cannot take on the expense of a roadshow. If there are any theatres out there who are willing to donate their time and effort working on a brand new and really useful play, then do get in contact and I’ll supply you with the script and work with you on it for no charge. Once the play is up and running it would be great if a sympathetic film maker could get involved and help reach a universal internet audience. There are a lot of a lives to save and no time to waste.
Max Angstmann – October 2018
The Very Last Chance Saloon. 